The Adventures of Zora Link!
by Simbrie Nytesky1
Summary: Okay, this is a dead fic...it was a horrible ending, I know. I'll rewrite when I get the inspiration to.
1. Girls, Girls, and More Girls

A/N: First off, the cast of Zelda DOES NOT belong to me. Yeah, wheeee. I got bored, as you may have seen, and I thought up of this!! Zora Link is my favorite of his transformations. The reason: I find him hot. ^^ ((see? I have no LIFE!!!!! So gimme cheese, yes?)) Also, the game doesn't have a personality for our local hero, except from Tatl's comments, and so, I based him off another hero that I love: Vash the Stampede from Trigun. Nyahaha, another hot dude.  
  
WARNING: may contain SPOILERS!!!!!!! NWEEEEEEE!!!  
  
Adventures of Zora Link  
  
One day, Link got bored and decided to go around as a Zora. This is his story.  
  
Adventure One: Girls, girls, and more girls.  
  
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Stepping out of the Clock Tower on the 'First' day of his mission, he looked around the busy South Wing of Clocktown. He saw strange glances his way, several he couldn't perceive the meaning. Shrugging, he supposed not many Zoras come around here. Link felt his stomach growl. Time traveling takes a lot out of him. He heads for one of the stands in the area, the one where they sell snacks. A girl was buying a bag of some bubbly-looking yellow clusters. Wondering what they were, he decided to ask.  
  
"Excuse me, miss?"  
  
"Ye-um...yes?" her face turned reddish as she looked at him.  
  
"What are those?" he said, trying to ignore the fact that he's only wearing a green skirt....a rather short one at that.  
  
"Huh? Oh....um....." she stuttered, her face getting redder as she looked away.  
  
"They're popcorn. They just recently arrived at Clocktown. They're good, take my word for it," said the seller. She also looked at him in the same manner as the girl.  
  
"Ah, I'll take a bag," Link said as he mused at the fact that even though it's not suppose to, things change every so often when he returns from 3 days later. Confusing.  
  
"That'll be 5 rupees, cutie," she winked as she handed him a warm bag of popcorn. Blinking, Link just nodded and smiled. He popped one in his mouth as he walked away. Finding his tongue fancy this popcorn, he sat on a crate and began to plan the next 3 days.  
  
Maybe I'll go visit Anju or something...she's a nice person. I wish I could just get this moon business over with so she can have her wedding....it's so sad.... He can't think of much to do. Already got the Couple's Mask, actually, he already got all the masks. He wonders how he can carry them all. He asked Tatl once, but she has no clue either. Sighing, he leaned back onto the wall. Navi would've known, she knows everything...sorta. He looked up at the huge clock tower, and saw it was 7:23.  
  
"The Inn should be open by the time I get there...." he mumbled to himself. Tatl popped out of ...somewhere behind his head.  
  
"What are you gonna do now? You've helped Anju and Kafei already," she paused. "Don't tell me...you've fallen for Anju!"  
  
"No! Of course not, nothing like that, you floating ball of ...pink light??" he hid a smile. That always sets her off.  
  
"I am NOT pink!! It's a light shade of fuchsia," pouting, she flew back into her hiding place behind his head. He got up and headed for the East Wing.  
  
--------------------------  
  
Whistling "Zelda's Lullaby", one of his favorite songs, he passed by a dark- haired girl holding grocery bags. Strange, he didn't recognize her. She stared at him openly as he walked by the Treasure Chest Game shop. Blinking, she quickly came up with a scheme. She pretended to trip, dropping her bags.  
  
"Nooo...." she yelped as she kneeled by her fallen goods, waiting for the Zora to come to her rescue. She waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, someone tapped her on the shoulder. Looking up with her best damsel-in- distressed face, she looked into the concerned eye of a boy.  
  
"You OK lady? You've been like that for a long time. Is it because you have problems?" he said, becoming excited, bouncing up and down slightly. "If you do, you can tell me. We Bombers-"  
  
"Go away, brat, I'm fine," she watched as he walked away, with a slightly hurt face. Those brats are annoying. She looked over her shoulder, peeved. The Zora is halfway to the Stock Pot Inn, whistling away that strange song of his. She grabbed a can of preserved corn kernels and through at his head with deadly accuracy.  
  
"YAAAHHHH!!!" she blinked with surprised as he fell over forwards, screeching. She expected him to duck or dodge it with a body of his caliber. Her superb acting skills kicked in as the Zora looked at her with beads of tears in his eyes. She ran up to him.  
  
"Oh my gosh! Are you alright, sir? I'm soooo sorry. It slipped out of my hand and-." she swore inwardly at herself. That was one of the worst lies she told.  
  
"It's alright, Miss...," Link stood, rubbing the back of his head fin, feeling a bump rising. He smiled. "Let me help you."  
  
"Huh? Uh...ok, Thank you," she headed back to her strewn groceries in a daze. She also didn't suspect him to be so damn gullible!  
  
Once finished with the task, he looked at the watch the Mask Seller gave him. 8:05. Returning his gaze to the girl again, he found her giving him one of those looks he had before.  
  
"Er, I gotta go," Link began to edge towards the Inn.  
  
"Really?" disappointed, she took a step towards him. "What's your name, Zora?"  
  
"My name is Li-ow!" he winced as Tatl kicked him.  
  
"Don't tell her your real name, idiot!!" she hissed into his ear.  
  
"What's wrong?" the girl asked.  
  
"N-nothing, that bruise is starting to smart, hehe....um....my name is....Mikau."  
  
"Mikau? What a strange name. Anyways, I'm Yumei, but you may call me Yumi..." she got a little closer again. He began to panic. No one has ever stood that close to him before, except when Cremia hugged him.....  
  
"Ok, then...bye!" he ran off towards the Inn. Yumei stuck out her lower lip as she watches him enter the inn. Smiling, her eyes gave a glint of mischief.  
  
"Shy guy...I like shy guys....teehee! I'll have you wrapped around my little finger in no time, my Mickey," she disappeared into the Treasure Chest Game Shop, chuckling to her self.  
  
-----------------------  
  
Sinking into the seats of the lobby, he tried to catch up with his breath. He'll never get use to girls like her. Zelda, Cremia, Anju, and those girls he can cope with.  
  
"Sheesh!! What a flirty girl! Reminds me of the receptionist at the Mayor's office..." Tatl came out from behind, landing on the arm rest.  
  
"I don't understand them...."  
  
"Of course not. You're a kid in a guitarist's body."  
  
"It's not THAT I don't understand. I've been an adult before!" Link protested as he sat up, as if to look more mature.  
  
"Yeah, and I'm the queen of the miniature cows."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"No, stupid. I was just sarcastic..."  
  
"...so was I..."  
  
"...whatever. So, why did you come here again?"  
  
"Oh yeah..." he stood, noticing Gorman giving him a weird look. Why do the Gormans look like Ingo? Hell, why do most of the people here look like the people in Hyule? Must be related or something... he went over to the counter, where Anju stood behind.  
  
"Welcome to the Stock Pot Inn...um, do you have a reservation?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh, good....Mr. Link?" Link nodded. She continued. "You're room's the Knife Chamber, and here's your key. Enjoy your stay!"  
  
"Thanks, Anju," he began off to collect some rupees.  
  
"Wait."  
  
"Huh? What is it?"  
  
"Um, I feel like this happened before....de JA vu, maybe...but have I met you before?"  
  
"Maybe," surprised, he was starting to rub off on these people the more he 'restarts' their memory.  
  
"Hmm...Oh well," sadness flashed in her face, but she quickly perked up. "Please, relax, Mr. Link."  
  
"Please, just call me Link."  
  
"Alright." Smiling, Link went up stairs, got that silver rupee the previous owner had left (that's one thing that will never change), and stepped outside.  
  
"Hey, watch it!" cried one of the Rosa sisters.  
  
"Sorry, sorry," he sidestepped towards the stairs, trying to escape the scowl the girl was giving him.  
  
"Watch out for the-." Tatl tinkled, but was too late. Like the lovable klutz he is, he fell down the stairs, landing on the bottom with a crash. The Rosa sister snickered.  
  
"Dumb Zora...." she turned and continued her thinking, ignoring the glare from Tatl. The Faery flew down to link and perched on his nose. She swore she could've seen swirls in his eyes. She heard a gasp, and then footsteps. She turned to find Anju running towards them, concerned. Drifting off, Tatl watched from a distant.  
  
"Uhh~hhhh....." that was Link.  
  
"Link! Are you alright?" Anju kneeled beside him.  
  
"Yeah...." he sat up quickly, straightening his skirt....damn skirt. "I've been in worse situations."  
  
"I guess," she stood, holding out a hand to help him up. He took her hand and got up.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"No problem. Um, Link? Are you busy?"  
  
"No.....why?"  
  
"Well, I happen to be free this hour, my mother's taking over for me, and I also need some quick cash...." she trailed off. "Um, do you want to play poker?"  
  
"Poker?" He blinked. That REALLY surprised him.  
  
"Yeah, it's the only card game I know. But if you're busy, it's ok...."  
  
"Sure, I'll play."  
  
"Great! Come one, we'll play in you're room," she started upstairs.  
  
"MY room? Why?" he followed.  
  
"Because if my mom finds me gambling, she'll become a monster, I swear."  
  
"A-alright."  
  
------------------------  
  
They sat on the opposite sides of the table, each one concentrating on their cards. Tatl sat on one of the bed, watching with amusement. No matter how hard he concentrates, Link has yet won one game since they began. The 100 rupees began to disappear from his wallet. Giving her his last rupees, he sighed, sadden at his sudden lost of mullah.  
  
"That's it? Come on, it's only 1:30. I still have 30 minutes left."  
  
"....oh, alright..." They played again. And again, he lost, round by round. Each round, he gave her items, and soon, he gave her his collar, his gloves, and his boots. To his surprise, the poker game had unofficially become a game of strip poker, and he's the one losing.  
  
"Um, Anju?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I swear, I won't take off my...my..." he searched for a word that sounds better than 'skirt'. "...my kilt."  
  
"Come on, be a good sport, still got ten minutes left."  
  
"Damn, Anju, I'd never thought of you like this," he curled up.  
  
"What?"  
  
"What about Kafei???" he peered at her. She gasped.  
  
"How did you....well, of course I love him...it's just that...it hurts to....I'm trying to take my mind off the fact that...." she looked away, with the words GUILT plastered onto her face. Instantly, Link felt sorry.  
  
"Ok, ok, we'll play another game, but as long as you don't cry."  
  
"Ok..." she sniffed.  
  
"But I still won't take my kilt off." he crossed his arms, flickering out his wrist fins stubbornly. A giggling Tatl flew over to Anju, and whispered into her ear. A small smile played on the inn keeper's lips.  
  
"Ok, you don't have to. Instead, you'll have to do what I tell you to do if you loose, agreed?"  
  
"Huh?!" he glared daggers at the flying ball of pink light.  
  
"It's either that, or off goes your skirt." Anju stifled a giggle.  
  
"It's not a skirt!!" he felt his face burn. He knew he was blushing, even through this Zora flesh. He grumbled "Fine...I'll do what you say..."  
  
"It's settled then."  
  
The final poker game started. 


	2. Tinker Cows!!!

A/N: Wow, them reviews came in quick!! Nwee!! Hehe, yeah.....Fanfiction.com messed up my layout!! It turned it into huge blocks.....*grumble grumble* Eeeeeeevil space-savers!! Anyways, I thank all those who reviewed!! *loves getting comments, wink wink** Hmmm, uh huh....MM and all related do not belong to me, the sad news it is. And I have terrible grammar, so please, bear with me!! I thank thee!!  
  
Adventures of Zora Link  
  
One day, Link got bored and decided to go around as a Zora. This is his story.  
  
Adventure Two: Tinker Cows!!!  
  
"Damn it all....This is humiliating....." whimpered Link. He was sitting Indian-style on the Inn's counter top, his gloveless hands clutching his bootless ankles. The small of his back rested against the wall, and his moping face towards the door. He was now a wall ornament. I shoulda took my skirt off.....grrrr. He glowered at a very amused Anju. "At least you have your skirt on, Mister Link. What's so humiliating sitting on the counter top?" she was grinning. "I feel so damn naked....." he pouted. "and why the hell do I have to have this on my head?!" he shook his head, and little twinkling noise followed. Link knows it's not Tatl, cause she's too busy laughing on the broad leaf of a plant. It was those wobbly-headed cows. "Cause he was the wall ornament before you were, grasshopper. So he must be on top of your head so others know your rank." She was enjoying this. "Besides, what do you mean you feel naked? All I took from you were the collar, gloves, and boots." "... point made...." he hung his head, hoping the cow would fall off. But it clung on with cow determination! Ooooh, evil!!! Several minutes passed, and the door opened. The Postman jogged in, looking as serious as he always do, but for one moment, his businessman face faltered as he stared in surprised at Link. "Yo," Link grumbled halfheartedly, raising a hand in greeting. Greeting guests and occupants was one of the Wall Ornament duties. "Yah," he greeted back, and then turned to Anju. "I got a letter for you. Quickly, I'm off schedule now due to your fish in skirts." "It's not a skirt!!!" Link is annoyed. Sniffing, he flickered his wrist fins. "It's a kilt....." Both Anju and the Postman were ignoring him. "HEY!!!" giving up hope, he zoned them out, knowing exactly what they're saying. The Postman left, and in came a Goron. Link knows this Goron from back in Hyule. So weird, finding a Goron with the same name as you, then meeting him in an inn in another country. "Yo." "Hello-goro" Link (Goron) replied, then spoke to Anju. Again, Link (our hero) zoned them out. Being a wall ornament can be so boring. He pondered about how he got into this situation. When the Goron left, he asked her about what she's going to do with the cash. "Well, I need to get Grandma some new wheels for her chair. They're getting rather rusty, and we'll soon gonna go to the ranch, 'cause of the rumor of the moon. Have you heard of it?" "Yah, lots of times." Before he can go on with the conversation, though, as the door opened and in came the one and only jerk that works part-time at the trading post. He walked in, thinking he's all suave in his tacky pants, and leaned over the counter towards Anju, not noticing the waving fish in skirts. "Hey, Anju babe, which room are the Rosa chicks stayin' at?" he wiggled his eyebrows at her. Anju's eyebrow just twitched. "I'm sorry, Mister Geoffrey, but that information is confidential." "Hey, hey, just call me Jo. But that's coo. Anyways....." he drawled, making both Link and Tatl gag. "I was wondering, have you heard from Kafei yet, baby?" "Please, stop calling me that, Geoffrey, and in fact, I have heard from my love," she crossed her arms, annoyed now. "Then start callin' me Jo, kay? Well, that's real great, about he being your love and aaalllll....but have you considered, that you might find more happiness in a better lookin' dude?" his brows wiggled again. "What are you suggesting, Jo?" "Oh, nothing really, just that, hey, you, me, we go along like peas and carrots, iiiiiiiif you know what I mean, Anju beb....ARGH!!! MY HEAD!!!" he staggered back, clutching his head. Anju had slammed her umbrella down upon his head. "You JERK!! Now get out. I had enough of you." "BITCH!!! I'll get you for that!!!" he lunged at her, trying to grab her. As he crosses the counted top, though, Link sent him flying towards the door with a kick. "What the f--!!" "Don't. There's a lady in here." Link cut him off, as he was pressing his enlarged fin blades against Geofrey's throat. His eyes had a dangerous gleam in them, and he would've sent chills down the jerk's spine if it weren't for the happy-go-lucky wobbly-headed cow perched on the top of the Zora's head. Nonetheless, Geoffrey nearly ruined his pant. Gulping, he nods.  
  
Sighing, Link is now back to his job, sitting, greeting, being humiliated. He was surprised at how many people come in here. It was interesting to see the expressions on people's faces when they see him. He'll never forget some of the incidents that happened, nope, never. The door opens, and in came a group of soldiers, one of them Link knows as Captain Vincen, or something like that, from the constant argument in the Mayor's office. They all paused in shock. "Hello." Link raised his hand. The captain nodded shakily in greeting, and he turned to Anju, the rest of them stood by against the back wall. This conversation he hadn't heard before, and he was greatly curious as to why the soldiers are here. "Good afternoon, Captain." "Good afternoon, Miss Anju. I'd like to speak to you in private, please." "Me? Oh um, but I can't leave the desk at the moment." "Please, it's very urgent." "Mmmmm....Is the kitchen alright? It's nearer and I'll be able to hear guests come in." "The kitchen's fine." With that, Captain Vincen and Anju departed to the kitchen. "Men, you may relax until I return." "Yes sir!" the soldiers stamped their spear butts against the floor and saluted with their free hands. "Link, be a good Wall Ornament and alert me of customers, alright?" "Yessum...." the Zora grumbled. Once the two disappeared, the soldiers broke their rigid line. A few sat on the lobby seat; others leaned against the wall or counter. Link couldn't help but noticing a soldier that was less than a foot away from him, which was a bit too close for comfort. He tried not to think of it as he listened to what the soldiers are discussing. Maybe they know what Vincen wants to talk to Anju about. "Hah, the Cap'n has fallen for her I tell ya." "The Innkeeper? I thought he was after that chick over at the ranch. You saw how mopey he got after that huge boulder appeared." "Mebbe so, but I hear that nowaday's he's been mentioning Anju more and more to Garha. Isn't that right, Garha?" "Erm..." the soldier closest to Link looked up. "Yeah, I suppose...." "What does he say bout her?" geez, what gossipy people these soldiers are!! Link thought to himself. "Well, I don't know exactly, I usually just zone him out. You know me." The soldiers groaned. "How could we forget?" one of them said laughing. "You're a flit." "Damn right I am!" said Garha with a grin. "Hey, speaking of which, aren't you standing just a little too close to that Zora, fruity man?" "........." Link blinked as he was mentioned, and sweated as Garha looked over at him. "uh...hi...." "Hey there..." the soldiers around the room snickered, urging Garha even more as he took a step closer to Link. Our hero's head bumped into the wall as Garha's nose was just a hairsbreadth away from his, his lips in a smug smirk. "Y'wanna have fun, hot stuff??" "Ulp...no, no, I'm just fine...." even though he couldn't see them, Link felt the soldier's eyes scanning his bare, well-muscled chest, and some other things that he didn't want to think about. "Very fine indeed, Zora....tell me your name? Actually, don't. It will be a little more fun if there was some mystery behind it, ne?" he said, brushing Link's cheeks lightly with his hand. Squeaking, he slid off the counter, landing on his rump. Link tried to scramble away, as Garha got ready to pounce on him. The soldier managed to hug onto the Zora's legs. Link cried for mercy as he felt the face of his attacker cuddling against his butt. "Nooooo!!! Mercy!!! Please, lemme go!! I'm too young!!!!" he sobbed. He didn't notice the other soldiers trying to pry away their sex-maniacal friend. "Cap'n's coming back!!: a soldier hissed. Immediately, Garha let go of Link as the rest of the soldiers picked up their spears and went into line. "I'll be waiting for you at the west gate, nummy boy!" Links scales at the nape of his neck nearly stood on end as Garha whispered into his ear. "I'll be on guard duty." With that, he joined his comrades as Vincen's boots clattered out of the kitchen, followed by Anju. She blinked down at the sobbing Link as she reached the desk. "What happened to you?" she asked, watching him climbed back up onto the desk, red-faced. "Alright, men, Let's march out. I bid you goodbye, Miss Anju." With a nod, he led his soldiers out, with Garha bringing up the rear. Before leaving the door, though, he turned around, striking a whorey pose and blew him a kiss. Link sat up rigid, blinking at the closed door. His stomach churned. "Um Link?? I thought I heard some screaming and....Link? Are you sick?" the perceptive Anju gave Link a weird look as his redness turned to green. She hadn't noticed Garha, as she was too busy worried about Link. Eyes not leaving the green Zora, she pointed down the hall. "The bathroom's over there...." "Urk!!" gurgling, he dashed into the simple bathroom, hands over mouth. Sighing, Anju closed her eyes, placing a hand on her forehead as her hurling friend's noises were echoed throughout the Stock Pot Inn.  
  
"Uuuuuuugh....."Guess what?! Link is back on the desk, his Zora flesh now has a green tinge to it, if you look real close. "Link, you thbell...." Anju said, pinching her nose. "It's not my fault someone forgot to flush!!" his brow twitched, trying to forget the memory. "I doe it'th dot your fault. I'b dot accuthing you...." "It very well seems like it, Anju...." he glanced over to her. She was standing as far as the L-shaped desk permitted her to do. "I'b thowwy!! I couldet 'elp it!! You thtink..." she instantly regretted her words as Link hung his head, the cow still on his head. It really was determined....it held onto our hero's head throughout the incident!! She edged closer, and gingerly patted his knee. "Why dout you go to the Laundry pool ad wath off???" "Hmmmm...." it took awhile for Link to decipher her words. "...." a looooooong while.... "...Great idea, Anj!!" he hopped off the desk and went outside, leaving a very relieved innkeeper.  
  
He quickly walked across the busy South Wing, trying not to think that he was in the middle of an empty circle with a 5 feet radius. Link gave a sigh of relief as he reached the empty Laundry pool. He ignored the jumping frog by the bushes as he dived into the pool, disappearing under water's surface without a ripple. He swam around, closing his eyes, his sleek, streamline body gracefully cutting through the cool water like a hot knife on butter.... BLAM!!! Forgetting exactly how small the Laundry Pool was, our dreaming Zora crashed face first into a wall with a sickening thud that sounded like hitting a rotten apple with a wooden plank. Lovable oaf.  
  
  
  
A/N: Nyahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha**chokescou ghcoughcoughhackcoffhackwheezedies!!** Nwee....o.O Anyways, sorry if I offended someway with the gay soldier, I didn't mean to. I wasn't making fun of them, hey, I have good friends that are gay! Yeah, cool ppls. Sorry for the bad grammer....Hmmm, does Anju seem a bit ooc? Eeep, forgive me!! But yeah, Link. Leave it up to him to crash into a wall....O.o no cliff hangers today, but wait!! There's more coming up!! Where did Tatl go? How in the world to you pronounce her name, neways?!?!?!  
  
YAY!!! I finished the game!! Whoohooo!! Coolies, it's so sad.....^^ 


	3. Dot. Dot. Dot.

A/N: hmm, only uno review?!?! Wah! Ah well....Yeah, I've been busy, couldn't get to start it til now.....-.-: I dun like my life....neways, I hope I can keep up the humor...I've been known to dwindle off....O.o. Anyways, MM and all related components and names with the exception of the names I named I don't own!! ........ I confused myself....anyways, this is a weird chapter.....just keep the last scene of Chapter 2 in mind.....you have been warned!  
  
Adventures of Zora Link  
  
One day, Link got bored and decided to go around as a Zora. This is his story.  
  
Adventure Three: Dot. Dot. Dot.  
  
Aboard the old ship Tootie Fruity Cupcake AKA The Ship awakes a handsome blond sailor. He stretched his brawny shoulders, his old battle scars gleaming in the dim candle light. A knock came from the door as the sailor throws on his captain cape,  
  
"What is it?" his bass voice questioned the person outside.  
  
"Cap'n! Huge stalks of celery are flying our way!!" was the high-pitched voice's reply.  
  
"Celery? By the gods and seas!! All men on the top deck!!" he screamed as he bursts from his cabin and out into the open. He stared up at the pink sky. Indeed, there were stalks of the evil greens flying towards them, their leafy limbs flapping. Cursing to himself, he unsheathed a deadly- curved French bread that was baked in the ovens of the ancient tribe of Pululus!! As the celery swooped in for the kill, the blonde swung his weapon left and right, sending crumbs of doom into the enemie's ugly mouth, choking them to death. The rest of the celeries flew away in fear.  
  
"Cap'n Link! You were fantastic!!"  
  
"Aye!! You single handedly killed 20 stalks!! The new record upon TFCAKATS!!"  
  
"Huh?" Link looked at him, trying to rub the earwax from his ear.  
  
"Tootie Fruty Cupcake AKA The Ship, sire."  
  
"Wazzat?"  
  
"Our ship, cap'n."  
  
"Oh, yes, I see now. Ahem ahem. Tiller Person! How long till we get to our destination?"  
  
"About another hour to Mountain High, Captain!" replied Tiller Person.  
  
"Good," nods Link. He sheathed the bread carefully and turned to his right hand man. "Right Hand Man, what is our objective for going to the Mountain High?"  
  
"To save our ally, the kingdom of Yogurt, from Waffle Monster."  
  
"Tell me more, Right Hand Man." Link started to walk towards his cabin.  
  
"King Fork and Queen Spoon have a daughter and son. Their names are Spork and Foon. Their pet, a Chihuahua named Piñata, had provoked The Waffle monster while they were playing in the Pancake forest."  
  
"So how do we defeat the Waffle monster?"  
  
"Underneath the castle of Low Fat, there is an icy monster that keeps the kingdom of Yogurt from spoiling, and in this monster's chamber of doodoo, is the legendary Silver Plunger!!"  
  
"Gasp!" Link stopped and stared at Right Hand Man. "Are you positive it's there, the most powerful weapon of the preschool playground?!?!"  
  
"Yes, milord, I am positive."  
  
"Why didn't you speak up earlier??? I could've bought more llamas!!!"  
  
"Sir, you were asleep."  
  
"Never mind that, Right Hand Man!! Everyone, down into the pee deck!!!" whines popped up around Link.  
  
"Not the pee deck!!!"  
  
"Please cap'n, be kind to us!!"  
  
"Whatever had we done to you?!?!"  
  
"Would you rather go to the Poop Deck??" he asked as he plucked the wine bottles around him. "and stop whining! You're gonna give the TFCAKATS a hangover the size of a popsicle stick!"  
  
"Oh, captain, we are forever in you debt!"  
  
"Yus, how can we repay you for the kindness you show us today!"  
  
"Aharhar!! Onward to the pee deck, shipmates!"  
  
((at the pee deck))  
  
"On the count of 3, row!" yelled Link in the stuffy place. "Uno, Dos, Tres!!"  
  
"..." the crew sat stock still, awaiting the order.  
  
"....Ahem, what are you all doing?"  
  
"Awaiting your order, Captain!"  
  
"Do you not know the language of Spanish!?!?"  
  
"Um....no..."  
  
"Hmmm, then do you understand this? Ichii, Ni, San!"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Grrrr.....Yut, Yee, Sam!"  
  
"Nuh-uh."  
  
"How about...."  
  
"English, sire?"  
  
"Good idea, Right Hand Man! Ok, One, Two, Three!!" he blinked as the whole crew began rolling in different directions. "STOP!! I meant the long stick thingies!!!"  
  
"...Oh...." it took awhile for the crew to figure it out. Once they did, they climbed back into their seat and held onto the oar handles.  
  
"Ok....One, Two, Three!!" he smiled to himself as his crew began to row. He could feel them moving in a much faster pace, and was about to give a shout of encouragement when the whole ship jerked to a stop, forcing them all to fall forward. They could hear wailing from the outside. They must've crashed into something! Link ran up to the top deck, and leaned over the railing. There, in the sea, was a fat Goron clutching his side. "Hey there, are you alright?"  
  
"Ho yes, I am fine, fine, fine a dandy lion. Oh yeah, you're ship crashed into me, but that's alright, really, it is." The Goron said sarcastically.  
  
"Ok then. Bye!!" Link started to go away when the Goron yelled up at him.  
  
"HEY!! I'm not really alright, ok?! I was being sarcastic, now get me up on your ship and heal me!!"  
  
"Fine, fine. But this is not called Your Ship, ok Sarcastic Goron?"  
  
"Then what the bloody hell you call it?!?"  
  
"TFCAKATS!!"  
  
"What?" he rubbed his finger inside his ear.  
  
"Never mind. Here, grab on!" Link through him a Super Noodle. Sarcastic Goron grabbed onto it, and looked up skeptically at Link.  
  
"Will it hold?"  
  
"Hold what? No wait, I know this....Of course it holds! It's SUPER NOODLE!!"  
  
Once Link got Sarcastic Goron up on deck and wrapped him up with a fluffy tortilla, he found out the problem of how they crashed into Sarcastic Goron.  
  
"Tiller Man!! Where are you?!"  
  
"Down in the Pee Deck, Captain!"  
  
"What are you doing down there?!"  
  
"Following your orders!"  
  
"Well get back up here! The thought of a tiller without a Tiller Man....Cripes..."  
  
Reaching the coast of Mountain High, they traveled through a thick forest. It was starting to get dark when Link turned to Right Hand Man.  
  
"Right Hand Man, how long is this road till we reach the Low Fat Castle?"  
  
"About another 2 hours and 27 minutes."  
  
"Mm....Bald Guy!"  
  
"Yessir!" replied Bald Guy.  
  
"Go scout ahead and signal back if there's trouble on the road.  
  
"Hehe, smart move, sire."  
  
"Thank you, Bald Guy," Link watched as Bald Guy disappeared into the darkness. The whole crew walked in silence, till one of their stomachs growled real loud.  
  
"I'm Hungry!" wailed a large set dude.  
  
"Well, Large Set Dude, this IS the Pancake Forest right?"  
  
"No, this is actually the Paper Plate Woods."  
  
"I didn't ask you, Right Hand Man! Anyways....um....hold up till we go to the Low Fat Castle, alright Large Set Dude?"  
  
"Ok...." Large Set Dude sniffed. There was a call in front of them that sounded like paper ripping.  
  
"Paper Rippers....nasty birds, they'll destroy these woods one day....." again, the noise sounded. And again. And again. And again. Again. Suddenly there was a cry of terror. Link quickly reached the scene: a lady person had placed a Tomato's toenail upon Bald Guy's head!  
  
"Gasp! Oh the horror! How dare you place such an evil thing on Bald Guy's Head, Lady Person?!?!"  
  
"I will hold him hostage. I KNOW how to use this toe nail, Link!" Lady Person cried from under her shawl. She was very ninja-like.  
  
"How do you know my name?! Are you a spy for the unthinkably horrible tribe of Mariachi Compact Disks And Other Accessories?!?!"  
  
"No. But I am from a MUCH more eviler empire!"  
  
"Gasp again! Who are you?!" Link unsheathed his French bread. Eviler than the Mariachi Compact Disks And Other Accessories?!?! Impossible!!  
  
"I am...." dramatically throws off the shawl. " Zelda, Queen of the Evil Toenails of DOOM!!"  
  
"ZELDA?!?!" Link staggered back in surprise. "Wait...aren't you the Princess of the Bottled Water Palace???"  
  
"No, that's my twin. Now lemme join you in your journey."  
  
"First, free Bald Guy."  
  
"Alright." Zelda lifted the vile piece of dead cells off Bald Guy and watched him scramble back behind his crew. He whispered to one of the crew.  
  
"Hoi, why didn't you respond to my signal?"  
  
"We thought 'twas paper rippers!"  
  
"There was nuthin' else, I was hiding in a Paper Cup bush!"  
  
"Oh....."  
  
The motley crew of the TFCAKATS stared in awe as they walked down the long hall of the Low Fat Castle. Except for Captain Link and Queen Zelda who, of course, are not impressed. Of course. Once they reached the throne room, they all kneeled down before two Zora's who are obviously King Fork and Queen Spoon..  
  
"Your Majesties, we, the crew of the Tooty Fruity Cupcake AKA The Ship, are most honored to be in the presence of the Lord Fork and Lady Spoon within their beautiful Throne Room of Pearls." Link said in the proper fashion. The Male Zora grunted and stood up, his arm fins flickering slightly.  
  
"First of all, that was a nice thank-you. Second, get things straight! I am Queen Spoon, and my wife is King Fork. I know the tradition of other races are the opposite, but this is the Yogurt Kingdom of Mountain High! Not some place where you call the king King and the queen Queen! And it is Thrown room! Not throne room, THROWN!!" Queen....er, King Fork patted her husband's shoulder, trying to calm him down. "Harrumph! Now that we got things cleared up, you may rest here at the Low Fat Castle untill you feel ready to retrieve the Sacred Silver Plunger," he clapped his hands, and another Zora came into the room, and bowed. "Servant! Take these brave men into their allotted rooms....but we left out one person....no matter, living on a ship, I suppose you all are use to sharing rooms, eh? Now be off with you."  
  
"Please follow me," said Servant and they did. Soon, all who was left was Link and Zelda. "I'm sorry, Milord and Milady, but you must share a room, or else the buttered toast in the morning will be most displeased...."  
  
"We understand, you may leave, Servant," Zelda said, and watched him leave. Then she turned to Link with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "C'mon Link, into the room we go...."  
  
"Un gata!! Barque!! Barque!!" Zelda glared down at the source of her interruption, and was just as astonished as Link when her eyes landed on a freaky looking dog.  
  
"Piñata!! Come back here or no Scotch Tape for you!!"  
  
"Vino...vino....si, senorita pez...." whined Piñata, the Chihuahua. It scampered to a young female Zora. Her face looked suspiciously familiar....Link can't put a finger on it though. She went over to Zelda and Link. There was an uneasy silence. Then she began to circle them, studying the two. She looked to be just a year or two younger than the two Hyrulians.  
  
"You're WEIRD." She exclaimed.  
  
"Well exCUSE me, Zora with a Freaky Dog, but we don't need to hear that from YOU!" snapped Zelda.  
  
"Gasp!" SLAP!! Zora with a Freaky Dog had fish-slapped Zelda!! "How DARE you to snap in front of ME!!"  
  
"..." Zelda felt her slapped cheek and glared at Zora With a Freaky Dog. SLAP!! Zelda unhooked a limp fish from her sash and fish-slapped Zora With a Freaky Dog back!! "How dare YOU to slap me!!"  
  
"..." SLAP!! "How DARE you to slap me BACK!!"  
  
"..." SLAP!! "How dare YOU to counter-slap ME!!"  
  
"..." SLAP!! "How DARE you to CROSS-counter slap me!!"  
  
("Las enojada gatas!")  
  
"..." SLAP!! "How dare YOU to COUNTER-cross-counter slap me!!"  
  
"..." SLAP!! "How DARE you to CROSS-counter-cross-counter slap me!!"  
  
("Carne de la gatas!!")  
  
"..." SLAP!! "How dare YOU to DOUBLE cross-counter slap me!!"  
  
"..." SLAP!! "How DARE you to TRIPLE cross-counter slap me!!"  
  
("Las gatas del SATAN!!!" cowered Pinata)  
  
"..." SLAP!! "How dare YOU to QUADRUPLE cross-counter slap me!!"  
  
"..." SLAP!! "How DARE you to quadruple and A HALF cross-counter me!!"  
  
("Vino....vino....vino...vino.....")  
  
"..." SLAP!! "How dare YOU to ...to...."  
  
"snicker snicker snicker!!" snickered Zora with a Freaky Dog. Zelda whiled around.  
  
"LINK!!! A little HELP here..."  
  
"ZZZZZZZ!! ZZZZZZZ!!!" was Link's reply.  
  
"..." uh-oh, Zelda's twitching. Instantly she became dark and black, her eyes gleaming red. Before you can say 'I'm stupid!', Zelda already has a deadly Ms. English Teacher's toenail between every finger, ready for the attack of the floppy disks!! When suddenly  
  
"NOOOOO!!! NOT MY LOVE!!!" Zora with a Freaky Dog stepped between Zelda and Link, "If you want to kill him, then you got to get through ME!!!" bad choice. Zelda suddenly grinned REAL wide...  
  
"My pleasure..."  
  
"QUIERO QUESO!!!" screamed Pinata as he jumped between Zora with a Freaky Dog. All eyes were on him as variations of periods and commas filled the air.  
  
"..."  
  
",,,"  
  
". . ."  
  
", , ,"  
  
".,."  
  
",.,"  
  
See?  
  
"ZZZZZZZ!!!"  
  
Oh yeah, with the occasional Zs...  
  
"Hablo china!! Fin!!"  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: What the hell ish going on?!?! freaky chapter, I was starting to scare myself....anyways, yeah, dun leave me! Intestional gas!! Yeah, there IS another chapter, but not like this. Nope.... 


	4. The Last Chapter!

A/N: Nreeee! Hehe, dear lordy, I forgot I didn't upload this chapter.found it when I was looking for something else, hate it when that happens. Anyways, I apologize it took so very long for this chapter to finally be out, that is if anyone's still reading.... -.-::: Hmmm, I think this shall be the only non-short story I'll ever finish!! Whee!!  
  
Adventures of Zora Link  
  
One day, Link got bored and decided to go around as a Zora. This is his story.  
  
Locking the door behind her, Yumi walked down the empty street of the East Wing towards the South. She boredly swung the small basket in her hands, the other clasping a towel around her neck.  
  
"Might as well bathe early, less crowded.... I wonder whatever happened to Mikau?" shrugging, she walked across and up the ramp to the laundry pool. Seeing that it was empty except for a frog, she placed down her basket and towel by the pool. 'the Gerudos will come sooner or later', she thought, referring to those two ex-pirates who were hired to stand guard while it was the bathing hour for women folk. After undressing herself, she pins her black hair up and stepped into the cool water. Reaching into her basket for soap, her eyes caught a blue glimmer under the shadow of the bridge. For a moment she thought it was fishes, but after taking a closer look, she saw a blue body floating face down in the water. She gave a cry of surprise, wrapping her towel around her naked form. She got out of the water and ran to the bridge. Once she's directly over the bobbing body she got on her knees and leaned foreward carefully. The fishes have decided to play soccer with this big, blue thing, and pushed the body out from the bridge. To their dismay, though, their toy was lifted from their watery field and out of their reach.  
  
"Mikau!" Indeed it was our beloved hero Zora! Yumi patted his cheeks, trying to wake him up. She noticed a rather large bump on his green head fin. She didn't think anymore of it as Link moved slightly, frowning as he groans with pain. "Mikau! Come on, Mickey, wake up!"  
  
"Uuugh....." his eyelids fluttered slightly, and slowly they were pried open. The first thing Link's jet-black eyes fell upon was...  
  
"ZORA WITH A FREAKY DOG!!" he sat up and propelled himself backward away from Yumi, who was leaning over him in a precarious position.  
  
"Huh?" she blinked, giving him a strange look.  
  
"Huh?" the remnants of his crazy dream disappeared, and blushed as the sight of Yumi set in, causing his blue flesh to turn purple. Link adverted his gaze and turned to go "Er.I'm sorry! I'll just go no-"  
  
The Hero of Time froze as the woman wrapped her arms around his neck, her cushiony front pressed against his bare back.  
  
"I want you to stay, though." Yumi whispered right next to his left ear sending shivers down Link's spine.  
  
//This is even worse than the guard!// Link thought to himself as he managed to twist from her grasp, then paused. //Wait..no it not..but still!!// A gasp is heard from behind, and without thinking he turned around only to find that he caused her blanket to loosen. He felt a blush coming again, staring wide eyed as Yumi held the blanket up with one hand, the other on the side of his neck..how'd that get there?  
  
"Don't be shy. I've never done it with a Zora before, so this is new to me too," she said with a grin. She closed the gap between them, pressing him against the wall, her lips pursed and approaching his. Link didn't want to hurt her, but he didn't want this continue either! And Tatl's not here to help him, rar! He reached back over his shoulder beneath his head fin hoping to find SOMETHING he can use and pulled out a mask. It was the Goron Mask. He slipped it onto his face just as she kissed him.  
  
Yumi had her eyes closed when her lips met a surface of wood, or something like that, then the sleek body she was up against changed, bulging her back a bit. She opened her eyes, looking deep into the button eyes of a big goron. She stared in disbelief. Link gave her a sheepish grin as her pretty little face became twisted with disgust. Yumi made a gurgle noise as she fainted, clutching the towel tight around her. She fell back into the soft grass with a thump.  
  
Link sighed with relief and looked at his watch. 6:34 it read. //Crap! Better go before the Gerudos get here.// He curled up into a ball and rolled out of the little place. He began searching for Tatl, rolling through the Wings guided by his gut. As he rolled up the steps of the West Wing though, Link skids to a stop feeling the presence of the fairy. After many.um.three days.day things even you can identify the fairy even with your eyes spooned out with a spork! Ya don't believe me? Let's try it! ..er, the STORY!  
  
He back-rolled and stood up, looking up at the little square with the guard there; the same guard that attacked him. Link could see a bottle hanging from the guard's belt, containing a little floating fairy.  
  
//So, he's holding her hostage? Hoping I will come?// Shaking his head, Link rolled up again and headed up the steps at top speed.  
  
The guard was in mid-yawn when he saw the blur rolling towards him, and skipped out of the way just in time. //perfect.// he turns down into the gate, brushing against the bottle, breaking the glass. The fairy flew out quickly and blew a wet raspberry at the guard, flying off after the goron towards the Termina Fields.  
  
END!!  
  
Ok, that SUCKED. . grrr, hmmm, ah well.Hehe, I really need to pay attention to my fics..Bai ppls! 


End file.
